so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
