he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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