you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Panties = found
Randomize
