i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
