So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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