we're blogging at a bar
I am spending my child support on dildos
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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