Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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