You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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