I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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