He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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