areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
