i permit you to call me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I supernannyed him into submission
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
