Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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