is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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