made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
