Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need to sanitize my soul.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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