Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
