did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
