the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was born a porn star she said
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
