it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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