god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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