i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
