i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
