The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
