Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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