11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
bring money and cleavage
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
