honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
