even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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