so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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