I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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