Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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