working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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