The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
