If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
