You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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