i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
