I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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