I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
