Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ketchup is God's man juice
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
