Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't EVER smell your tampon
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
