Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
