my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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