Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
