Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.

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(513): View more from Ohio

why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

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(443): View more from Maryland

You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better

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(518): View more from New York

That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.

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