hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
