Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
