My sheets look like a crime scene.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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