turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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