I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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