does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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