When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize