Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
how drunk are you?
Several
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
