she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
