Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
