smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
