my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
