Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
