let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
