God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
wanna go halves on a baby?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
