no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
