yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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