Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
