Swine flu is the new snow day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
