What did we do last night that was yellow?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
